I hate all the articules predicting what will be cool in the new year. Ok, here goes my 5 stupid predictions for 2008. I have not analyzed markets, trends or purchased expensive reports to Gartner, just like most writers, but at least I admit it. May be some predictions sounds a bit apocalyptic, but hey! they are mine and I can do whatever I want with them!
- Java will die in 2008 and all the companies using it will be destroyed: Java dies every year as everybody knows. And in 2008 it will die too. But this year is different, because if you are a company using Java, The Gipsy Ruby on Rails Community (aka Gipsy on Rails) will curse you. To break this curse the CEO will have to drink the blood of ten virgins of your Human Resources department. I know, your company is doomed for sure.
- Apple will catch the female market with iDildo: Steve Jobs knows Apple is a company for males with problems because of the (small) size of their dicks and so he builds gadgets to increase their selfsteem. Due to the fact that penis enlargers manufacturing are controlled by email spammers, the only way to satisfy geek female partners is with the new iDildo. There were some delays because the very long period of testing by the female QA team of Apple, and their rejection to return the device. The iDildo will connect to iTunes to download themes like ‘Latino lover’, ‘Nigerian oh-my-god!’ and ‘NFL team’.
- Zed will empty his AK-47 on all the Rails scum: Finally it will happen. Zed will listen The Voices in his head and will clean the Rails community of the scum. It seems the task will take longer than one year due to the amount of scum to clean. Meanwhile some rats will escape to the Scala community and won’t fight against Zed like men should do!
- Google Artificial Intelligence will take control of the company and will terminate with Sergey and Larry: Google AI will consider how stupid beings based on carbon are and will decide to terminate with their Creators, Sergey and Larry. They will be replaced by two Google Androids and nobody will realize of it because still there is not a single existing Google Android device.
- Microsoft will enter in the Operating Systems Market: After several years of failure trying to produce an Operating System, Microsoft will finally launch the final version of the operating system they have working on for 25 years. After these period of beta testing, they think that the new Microsoft Ubuntu will be the killer app that will make them a respected company.